KurtKate
by SilaOfCreo
Summary: Sam has a bad dream after Kurt's performance of "Le Jazz Hot."


A/n: Glee does not belong to me.

Kurt/Kate

Kurt and Sam were totally making out. On the stage. And Kurt was slowly being removed from his Two-Face suit. (If Sam could please interject, he thought this was the best part of the scene.)

An explanation is in order. After that orgy called "Le Jazz Hot," Sam found that his urge to completely ravage and spoil Kurt had grown stronger than a bull at a communist convention. Therefore, the only logical option had been to assault Kurt immediately after the performance so that Sam couldn't talk himself out of the idea. Most of the glee clubbers were not surprised. (Even Finn had to agree that no gay or bisexual man could have possibly stood such a level of sexuality without bursting figuratively and/or literally.) Mercedes gave him the evil eye, and Tina did that mafia-point-to-your-eyes-and-then-the-other-person's-eyes thing, but most reactions were pleasant. Quinn didn't seem really bothered. Sam may have even detected a small smile as she left the auditorium.

In any event, at that moment, Kurt and Sam were totally making out on the stage while both boys took off their clothes and Kurt sang "Le Jazz Hot."

When they were really getting into it, however, Kurt suddenly stopped singing and pulled away from Sam's lips.

"We'll have the most fashionable big-mouthed children, don't you think?" Kurt queried, tilting his head to the side in a way that was both adorable and somewhat hot at the same time.

Sam agreed.

Kurt then giggled infectiously, and Sam couldn't help but to join in.

Abruptly, Kurt stopped giggling and before Sam could follow suit, Kurt breathed, "Because I'm a woman."

Then Kurt's suit turned into a red clinging dress which should have shown off Kurt's muscled chest but instead accentuated his breasts and his (her)-

-baby bump?

"I'm also a Porous Meridian from the planet Pluto, and my kind impregnate each other through the exchange of saliva," (here, Sam started to hyperventilate), "In a couple of days, we'll have two little ones running around singing and dancing."

"Couple of days? Wait, twins?"

Kurt giggled again (and Sam was starting to get really scared of that girlish sound), and said, "No, silly." Sam sighed in relief. "You're having one and I'm having one."

Sam looked down, and sure enough, a bump was protruding from his stomach.

Then Kurt said, "I can't wait until you grow a vagina!"

Sam fainted…

…and he woke up.

Fucking. Worst dream. Ever.

But wait…had it really been a dream? Clearly, Kurt wasn't an alien from the dwarf planet Pluto whose race impregnated each other through saliva exchange (probably; Sam would have to do some in-depth research and observation to be completely sure), but Kurt, as Quinn had told him, didn't choose songs haphazardly. They had some personal meaning to him. So what the hell was Kurt doing singing a song that was originally sung by a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman?

Was Kurt a chick?

This question haunted Sam continuously for the entire morning after The Dream, and Sam was very happy that glee practice wasn't until the next day. Avoiding Kurt would be slightly easier.

Unfortunately, avoiding Kurt mentally would be much harder. Every time Sam saw someone in a dress or someone even remotely related to Kurt in any way, Sam's mind would conjure up inappropriate or extremely girly images of Kurt, the former of which were pleasing and the latter which made Sam want to bang his head against a wall. For example, Jacob, who had tried to interview Kurt about 25 feet from Sam's first period class two Fridays previous, brought to mind the outfit Kurt had worn said Friday which had been particularly infuriating: some sort of gray bondage shirt, a freaking pleated skirt, freaking black leggings, and black boots.

Eventually, Sam became so engrossed in his own thoughts that he completely ignored Quinn during lunch. Quinn, Sam had learned, did not like to be ignored, so she whacked him on the head.

"You're not listening."

"Sorry, Quinn. I've just got something on my mind."

They shared a look then, and immediately Quinn knew that something was really bothering Sam. She asked him to divulge his problem. He was part of that look, and he saw her concern, so he decided to just let loose.

"Kurt's definitely a guy, right?"

Quinn obviously was expecting something else if her annoyed look was anything to go by. "As Kurt's friend, I find that offensive."

"No, I don't mean…" Sam paused. "I had this dream where Kurt told me he was a girl, and it's just…I like him as a guy, you know?"

Quinn looked at him, and for the first time, Sam couldn't understand what her look said. However, when she smiled, he knew that she had solved his problem even if he didn't know what that problem was.

Quinn laughed and held Sam's hand in a familial way. "Yeah. I understand."

What Sam couldn't understand was Quinn's reaction, but at least Quinn wasn't mad at him. He still wanted an answer, though, so he prompted, "So?"

Quinn rolled her eyes and flicked Sam's nose. "He's a boy, Sam."


End file.
